Don’t ask…. 2.16.2014

“Why aren’t you sleeping?”
I can hear that, clear as day.
“Because I can’t sleep?” I will say.
“You should be asleep.”
Sighing, my only reply, “I know.”

I was so excited to get to see and play with you both, again. It’s a rare treat that we all have the same day off. Granted Budding and I asked off for an event that she decided she din’t really want to see (even though she’s not missed a year of it since it started here).

Exhausted…. Happily, extremely exhausted is how I felt when we were …. well, I hesitate to say “done,” since we aren’t really ever done…..I would have loved to have taken a nap, I would have passed out til about now, I’m sure…. haha

I find myself tired and easily distracted… hell, I’ve only had a few hours sleep over these last few days… too excited and thrilled to be able to settle myself easily. Yes, I should be snoozing hard right now, but **shrugs** I am not sure… my brain has too much on its mind and I’m far too sore to take up my usual devices to sleep…..

No, not complaining….never when it comes to that. So uber sensitive… the lightest touches “set me off” and I’m yet another squirting mess. Which used to embarrass and scare me. I am far from “typical” or “normal.” Fuck Normal…’s boring… Then again, maybe that’s what normal needs? Is to be fucked, and fucked good? haha

Have fun. Live life. Don’t worry, especially about what others think of you. Most fear the unknown, and I have to admit.. strike that….I was going to say that I fear the unknown, it’s not fear, that, for me is excitement. The unknown, typically, in me, brings about questions, curiosity, and my analytical side…. I do my best to not judge, and just take in the newness.

I find myself being the outlet for others’ secrets. They tell me things they never tell others. Why? I have no clue, other than the fact that I’ll not judge nor divulge their deepest, darkest fears, desires, or whatever. I guess, it’s kind of like going to a priest for confessional? Ironically, I wanted to be a nun when I grew up, though I am not Catholic….. figure that shit out!! haha

**sighs** I’m trying to “wear myself out” enough to get sleepy again….not that I wasn’t when I initially woke up… my brain was just screaming… I’ve been writing tons more…. more inspiration and more things on my mind. My stories aren’t really “stories” right now, but real life…. things I’m experiencing or thinking….

Sharing can be scary, but it can be cathartic, and that’s what I’m using this for.

I’ll be heading back to bed soon…..most likely….but, then again, who knows….*shrugs*

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